Understanding the Cycle of Life Transitions
The year 2020 has taught us many things, one of which is that we all face disruptors which can lead to our life being in a state of transition. Some of these transitions can be positive and anticipated, and therefore felt to be within our control such as starting a new job, being in a long-term relationship, starting a family, etc. While other transitions can be experienced more negatively and feel out of our control such as experiencing the loss of a loved one, going through a divorce/break-up, losing a job, going through a global pandemic, etc. Although we mostly understand on a rational level that change is inevitable, the transition period associated with the change can often be too emotionally difficult to experience. However, if we begin to shift our mindset about change and transition, we can experience less emotional turmoil.
Bruce Feiler, author of Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age, interviewed hundreds of Americans over the years to gather research on why we are so overwhelmed with our lives. In his research, Feiler found that individuals will experience three dozen disruptors (events that interrupt the flow of everyday life) in our adult years, which is on average one every 12 to18 months. Most of these disruptors we are able to navigate with minimal difficulty, however one in ten of these disruptors can become major “lifequakes” that lead to a substantial life transition. With this knowledge, it makes absolute sense that we need to re-shift our thinking about life transitions. Feiler identified the following five truths about life transitions:
Life transitions are becoming more abundant in our lives.
The number of positive or negative disruptors are growing. Crises no longer happen in mid-life, but crises or significant life changes can happen at any time in our life. With the data showing that life disruptors can happen every 12 to 18 months for an individual and the fact that most of us live with other people, means that most households have at least one person going through a life transition at any given point in time.
Life transitions are non-linear.
Just as life is non-linear, so are the transitions to our disruptors and “lifequakes”. There is no single way to go through a life transition. While this may feel overwhelming at first that there isn’t a framework to help us navigate through our transitions, it can allow us to be free from the expectation of “how to” cope with transition. It affords us the opportunity to make our own choices and decide what we need for ourselves.
Life transitions take longer than you think.
In Feiler’s research, individuals reported that their major transitions took longer than they anticipated, on average 5 years. When it is considered that most adults will have three to five of these major transitions in our lifetime, it becomes clear that this is more the norm than the exception. Saying this, we can learn new skills and reflect on the past to cope with each transition a little more effectively.
Life transitions are autobiographical occasions.
“Autobiographical occasions” are the moments in our life when we are called on to reflect in extensive ways on who and what we are. These significant life transitions force us to reassess who we are and modify or even re-write our life stories. When we can understand and accept that our lives are actually stories that get interrupted regularly, we can gain a sense of agency, influence and purpose.
Life transitions are essential.
We all go through confusing, messy and difficult periods in our life, often multiple times. We can’t ignore, avoid or push these times away, therefore we need to be able to accept them, name them and transform them into energy for remaking our life stories. We all need to be the protagonist in our own story.
What this tells us is that life doesn’t go to plan despite how much effort we put in trying to control our outcome. There are certain unpredictable events that happen and we have to transition as best as possible through these events.
Sometimes we may find ourselves in the early stages of a transition and feel paralyzed with making a difficult decision. Other times, we may feel stuck in the middle of a transition period and unable to see our way through the transition. These may be times to seek professional support from a therapist who can offer an unbiased perspective, process the personal struggle with change and transition and assist with building skills to help guide through the transition.
If you have been struggling with a life transition, please feel free to email Natasha@insighttelehealth.com or call me at 941-329-6417 to schedule a free consultation.
