Processing grief and loss during the pandemic
This last year has brought on a multitude of thoughts and feelings as we all having been trying to learn how to navigate through this time of change and uncertainty. As time has moved on, and we have missed out on various celebrations (i.e. birthdays, weddings, graduations) or events (i.e. travelling, spending holidays with loved ones), we may have noticed certain emotions surfacing in response to these losses. We may not recognize it straightaway, but often these feelings are similar to those experienced during grief. We often tend to associate the stages of grief with the loss of a loved one, however that would be unfair to ourselves and others, as not all losses are about actual death. It’s reasonable and honest to recognize that grief is grief and there may be many reasons that we grieve.
As so many things have changed throughout the year, it is important to keep in mind that grief is non-linear and we frequently go in and out of the stages. Since this has been a unique and unprecedented time, it warrants revisiting the stages of grief and what it can look like during a pandemic, even if we haven’t lost someone significant to us.
5 Stages of Grief
Denial
Denial is the disbelief that often leads to us questioning the current state of our reality. It is rejecting something on an intellectual and emotional level that may seem clear and obvious to others.
What this looks like during COVID:
-“I’m not old, immune compromised or at risk, so I’ll be fine.”
-“I don’t need to cancel my plans (i.e. wedding, holiday gatherings) because this will be gone by then.”
Anger
We move towards anger in an effort to gain control over our fears. Underneath the anger is the actual pain of our loss. We may be angry at this unexpected and unwanted situation that we find ourselves in. Anger is one of the stages that we frequently revisit throughout the process as it often an emotion we feel more comfortable “managing”.
What this looks like during COVID:
-“I know how to keep myself safe, I don’t need anyone to tell me what to do.”
-“I’m not going to let someone else decide what is best for me.”
Bargaining
With bargaining, we begin to acknowledge our reality, however we are not ready to part from the illusion that we still have control. We can become lost in thoughts of “what if…” or “if only…”. We want life to go back in time and return to what it was, so we try to compromise in order to find an easier and less painful way through the loss.
What this looks like during COVID:
-“If I pass on attending a friend’s party, then I can go to the next family gathering.”
-“I’ll only socialize with people who are healthy and not experiencing symptoms.”
Depression
Depression forces us to slow down and acknowledge reality and the loss that has been experienced. We can experience a sense of hopelessness and disempowerment, however in the end depression allows for growth.
What this looks like during COVID:
-“I don’t know when I’ll be able to see my family or friends again.”
-“I don’t know when things will return to normal.”
Acceptance
Acceptance of loss is when we stop denying and fighting reality and can begin to pave the way for healing and adjustment to take place. As we heal, we learn more about who we are and how to live with the things we have lost. Acceptance can be a time of reintegrating pieces of our life.
What this looks like during COVID:
-“I may not be able to safely spend time face to face with loved ones, but I can remain connected with them through video and phone calls.”
-“I may not know what the future holds and how long these guidelines may be in place, but I can take steps to keep myself and others safe and redirect my attention to the things that I can control.”
As we mark the one-year anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic, it is essential to keep in mind that we may revisit this grief. Please be kind to yourself, allow yourself to acknowledge and feel your emotions, share them with others and reach out for help when needed.
Remember, we are still in this together one year on.
